meeting notice

hollendais!

those of you familiar with the uber-feminist club will recognize that greeting. we are planning our next meeting this week of the uber-feminist club (formerly known as the ladies auxiliary group). as you see, we have our new name, thanks to the committee for new names! in case you don't know, we chose "uber" because it sounded neat and fancy. and of course, we have "feminist" because that is what we are, the new feminists (not those pesky no-bra-wearing, working hard for the money, independent-thinking, outspoken nagging women).

i am so excited to be hosting the next meeting. the agenda is just packed full of things for us to discuss. leading the discussion will be Mrs. Ward Cleaver, whose latest book, "Vacuuming In Pearls" is just full of useful (and necessary) tips for the uber-feminist of today. Her talk will focus on the following points:

The importance of greeting your hard-working husband at the door with a fancy face, wearing a freshly ironed (and spotless) apron.

The joy of putting yourself second.

Why a daily cat-nap is equal to comitting a mortal sin.

Leaving the decision making to your husband, it is his job to lead.


Our last meeting was just thrilling! I thank our media watch committee for their report on the following:

"Why Oprah may be the anti-christ"

And here we were thinking it was ok to watch her. All that talk about taking "control of your life," "finding your true passion," and "the importance of being financially aware." YIKES! A true uber-feminist knows that all control issues are left to the husband. After all, we know who really is the most imporant person in our lives....us...god....NO SILLY, it is our husband. And isn't he just wonderful. Thank God we don't have to trouble ourselves trying to find meaning in our lives. Let the man tell us what he needs. It is the job of the uber-feminist to meet those needs. And what a full time job that can be, can I get an amen from the uber-femi's.

I would also like to send a thank you to our uber-feminist health issues committee, who provided information regarding the "our bodies, our selves -- lies for women" discussion. We are so bombarded with open and frank discussions about women and their sexuality. UG! Finally, someone has the guts to tell it like it is. Our "monthly girlie thing" is not to be a concern for our husbands. Can you believe some so-called wives actually have their husbands buying feminie hygine products for them? We uber-feminist know that this is our cross to bear alone and silently. And what is with all this "equality in sexual politics?" As uber-feminists, we understand and accept that we are to follow our husbands lead. When, where, and how is his decision, not ours. Can you imagine wives actually telling their husbands they want sex and how to pleasure them?!? As if a wife has the actual desire for such things.

So I implore all of you to attend our next meeting. Let's see how many ideas we can share on the following topics:

Why cleaning house really is women's work.
How to learn to leave your husband alone when he gets home from work.
Keeping up appearances, even if you are at the grocery store.
Learning to make your weekly allowance stretch for 2 weeks.
The importance of keeping your feelings to yourself.
How to learn to be invisible.
How to deal with self-loathing.
Keeping your suicide-fantasies to a minimum.


Ah, the uber-feminist. The world really is a wonderful place.....as long as we are home alone.....seen and not heard......stay out of the workforce.....keep our feelings of lonliness and isolation to ourselves.

Cous Cous