don't eat the paint, baby

all art projects in my house involve someone attempting (sometimes successfully) to consume paint, glue, or playdough. it is very common to hear me say, "hey, that paint looks better on your picture than on your teeth." or, "don't eat the glue, your stomach will close up and you won't be able to eat candy ever again." these empty threats are met with a smirk.

emma survived her birthday party, although i feel as if i am now harboring a tapeworm. she seemed really surprised that people brought her gifts, "why did my friends give me all these pretty things? did you see all the pretty hair things?" yes, i did see all the pretty hair things. after saturday i believe the total amount of hairclips emma has now reaches into the thousands. my feet hurt just looking at them. i can hardly wait to pry these little weapons of mass destruction out from the heels of my feet. the party has made emma love her friends even more, and has brought out a generous side of her. "i am going to make kate this pretty picture because she gave me the dora doll at my party." is this my child? her good mood has lasted all day and has even extended itself to her brother. "nik, come play with my new dolls, do you want to play in my new tent, why don't we get you a new tent, too." dan and i stood frozen in the hallway. did she just ask her brother to play? is that emma?

aren't we awful. instead of celebrating this step of maturity in our daughter, we doubt. we are suspicious. if you knew evita the way we do, you too would be skeptical.

i have made a decision....thanksgiving is my new favorite holiday, replacing halloween. i just like the name. and any holiday that the main focus is food is perfect for me and my big fat ass. the candy of halloween is always nice, but there is just something so warm and fuzzy about a holiday that carries over to the next day and involves me eating cold stuffing in my p.j.'s. and what other holiday allows you to eat green bean cassarole for 3 days (p.j.'s now replaced with sweatpants.)?

thanksgiving also has a peanuts special. thanksgiving, you are the shit!