rockin' the suburbs

happy new year!

this will be a great year. and, fuck if i don't mean it. this year i did make resolutions. and no, i am not going to list every single one of them. but one worth mentioning is ATTITUDE. i am going to lose my negative attitude. you know, the one where i am full of rage and ugly feelings towards humanity in general.

i have reolved to reflect positively on what happens to me during the day. i believe that an improved outlook will go a long way. i am sure that this will completely change my personality, but i think it may be worth it. i am sick of myself for being such a petty person. ok, i am not really sick of myself. i am ashamed??? not really, but i should be. i should be kinder, less judgemental, even if the person i am complaining about totally sucks and deserves every mean thing i say, but...that was the old me. the new me will no longer make grand statements like,

"so-and-so is out of their fucking mind if they think...."
"what the fuck is so-and-so's problem?!"
"that is some bullshit right there, thinking such-and-such"

and yet, so much of this hate makes up my personality. don't get me wrong. i am full of self-loathing. i believe in spreading the hate all around. and the world is full of plenty of stupid people....ok, sorry. got carried away there. time for me to do my meditating.......

today is the first day of a new me. a kinder, gentler jen. i don't know how long i can keep this smile frozen on my face.....