monday morning

I have been attending daily mass. Yesterday I was sitting in church, I had finally found a quiet moment, when a woman discussing the dinner she and her son had the previous evening interrupted the peaceful serenity surrounding me. The voice in my head went from, “….the Lord is with thee…” to “….he had the fish, what kind of fish did he have, I don’t really care for fish, could she possibly talk any louder, what was I thinking…..” I got distracted to say the least.

Still I find the church itself very comforting. The walls are a rose colored marble and the candles project a soft light. The smell is a combination of incense and flowers that surround the altar. I am the youngest person at this daily mass by at least 35 years. Not that I mind. These are very old school Catholics. They don’t really go in for all that handholding during prayers. There is that awkward moment during mass when we must exchange “a sign of peace” by shaking hands with our neighbors. This is such a humors moment for me. All the people around me stand still with outstretched hands, requiring me to quickly leap from person to person. As I touch each papery hand I am engulfed in smells. One lady always smells of violets. Another man I am convinced must have pickles in his pockets. Driving home from mass I can still smell these people on my hands. The faces of these people stay with me throughout the rest of the day. The violet lady has eyes the actually sparkle. Pickle man always rattles the change in his pockets right before the end of mass. When I go up for communion, one lady always pats me on the shoulder and says, “Bless you.”

Will my life be like theirs when I get older? Will going to mass not only be something I do, but a reason for me to get up, get dressed and get out of the house? I believe that attending mass is the only social outing many of these people have, but I don’t feel sorry for them. In an odd way, I envy them. Many of their difficult life decisions are past them. They have face the daily torture of raising children, keeping a home and maintaining a marriage. I wonder if they would envy the position I am in. Would they trade places with me?