tea and sympathy with nik

this is how i know i am losing my grip on reality. my son and i were grocery shopping, yes i know it sounds like so much fun and i can see you are green with envy, please try and control yourself. this particular store has a "pet section," which is the highlight to any shopping trip.

"puuuuullleeeeeeezzzzzeee can we go see that furry thing and the birds?"

why yes my sweet prince. since you were so helpful in pushing the cart into every person we passed in the aisles. since you articulated so well, and so loud about why i am unreasonable for not purchasing every package of cookies in the store. of course, i would love to take you to see the animals.

it was in front of the goldfish tanks that i lost what little grasp of reality i ever had. inside one of the tanks was a fish who had died. he/she was sort of wedged into the back corner, it's vibrant colors already faded by death. for some reason, the site of this gray, dead fish pushed me over the edge. i began to cry. nik, mr. observant, noticed immediately. nik has a depth of empathy that continues to amaze me. he is always quick to comfort me and wipe tears from my eyes. i hate myself for ever letting him see me display that much of emotion. i am always afraid that it will frighten him. isn't it funny how adults always underestimate children. rather than being taken aback by my sudden emotional outburst, as were the other shoppers around us, nik calmly put his arm around my waist and said gently, "it is ok mom. maybe he is up in heaven now. don't worry, mom."

it took my breath away. i was frozen with awe. how could this small person be so mature, so able to understand, so able to reach out in an act of pure humanity? it was at this very moment, caught up in the glory of having the best son in the world, that nik proceeded to say the following:

"boy mom, your bottom sure is big. will my butt be this big when i get to be your age? how old are you now? does everybody's butt get this big when they get old? does your butt keep growing? how big will your butt get?"

that i informed nik was a great question. just how big is my butt going to get? i went from feeling pure love for my son to pure fear. i swear late at night when i can't sleep i can actually hear my butt growing.