there is a first time for everything....

I AM SISYPHUS, HEAR ME ROAR

There are days that i feel condemened to repeat the same, at times, futile tasks, all day, every day. A therapist once said to me not to view motherhood as a task that ever reaches completion. Instead, enjoy the process, the every day aspects of raising children. Easier said than done.

Yes, i am one of the many women who feel that we have been sold a piece of swamp land.

"Hey, this isn't the motherhood advertised in your brochure."

What did i expect? Hard work, yes. Complete loss of personal identity, no. This has been the surprize. As if i have been given a box of cracker jack and my prize is a diamond tiara. More than i expected and more than i feel i deserve.

"Can't i have the nap prize instead?"

I am not worthy of the beautiful children i have. I struggle every day to come to terms with what is expected of me. The plain fact is, i am ill equipped to handle the job. Truth be told, only grown ups should be parents. I am far to immature and irresponsible for this job.

"Sorry, i really don't have the correct qualifications for this position. How much did you say the pay was?"

Forget it. Even Oprah doesn't have enough money to pay me for this job. And yet, i can't get fired. This is my job for life. There will be no reitrement, no party after 25 or 50 years. Is it bad to think that your children being alive at the end of the day is a sign of a good day? Am i setting the bar too low?

God does have a sense of humor. I prayed for healthy children. God answered my prayers. Two beautiful and healthy children. Nuclear family at it's finest: wife, husband, dog, boy and girl. Pretty as a picture. My children are anyway. And the dog, as well.

So it isn't what i expected. It is both better and worse than i ever could have imagined. I have truly been blessed with this family. Every day i tell myself to try harder than yesterday.

"It is a process"

This is my mantra. Move over Buddah. Only, did anyone else think there could be so much drama in raising kids?