why the video store is no place for children

see, we have family movie night in our house every friday. the evening includes pizza, orange pop and a video of the kids choice. the catch is that my husband and i must sit and view the movie with the kids. this is not always the case. there have been a few times (ok almost always) in which we inform the kids that we are going to the bedroom to "change clothes and go to the bathroom." read, sex. there was a time in which i required a lot more "wind up" time before the actual "act" itself. i am now living on "planet -- we are guaranteed at least 15 minutes before the kids come looking for us." save all the wining and dining romance crap for when we have more time. we are both realistic people who recognize the incompatibility of sex and children. having now entered the "hot spot," also known as the mid-30's, i ain't got time to fool around. i want what i want when i want it.

tonight we took the kids to the video store in search of the little mermaid movie. only our little princess (age 3 going on 13) informed us at the top of her lungs that it is called "THE ARIEL MOVIE, NO MERMAID!!!" whatever, let's just find the damn thing and get home. read frisky mom.

here is where the kids throw the wrench in my plan. read, beautiful release. of course the little---excuse me ARIEL movie is out. thank god little mermaid 2 was available and our little princess was content with the choice. she did require an extra 20 minutes in the kids section reviewing ALL THE OTHER OPTIONS. this means she picks up EVERY SINGLE MOVIE and must make some comment on it. i swear i am sending her to roger ebert. they can spend HOURS discussing how the care bears 2 movie just didn't due the original justice and the joy in having a sequel to cinderella. i am not roger ebert. i want to grab the first movie that they both can agree on and get to steppin'. little evita has other plans. SHE ALWAYS HAS OTHER PLANS. i am not privy to these plans. plans that cannot be changed or altered in any way.

my favorite thing to say about our little evita (not her real name, but should have been) is that she could slide in and take castro's place at any given moment. the girl rules with an iron fist. my husband and i worry endlessly about our son having his heart broken by careless girls. we comfort ourselves with the thought that we can send our little princess to kick some bitch's ass if they mess with her brother.

so, we are in the video store and i am angry. angry at disney for all the crappy movies that i will be forced to view and probably end up purchasing. and it doesn't end with a simple purchase of a movie. don't get me started on the tie-in merchandising. DEATH TO THE DISNEY PRINCESS COLLECTION.

we bring home "ARIEL 2 movie" and i am getting the kids all settled, i turn around and the love of my life says the male version of "i have a headache."

I AM JUST GOING TO RUN DOWNSTAIRS AND CHECK MY EMAIL REAL QUICK

guess who is enjoying the movie? it is a good thing i find such comfort in a cold can of coke (no not diet, i only drink the real thing) and buttered popcorn. oohh, can you feel the love??

my butt does! next friday i am renting any movie with alan rickman in it. yes, i know an odd choice, but it works.