sunday blues

my mother was the first person to explain the concept of the "sunday blues" to me. i could never understand why i felt the way i did on sundays. it is a combination of exhaustion and nervous anxiety. i am sooooooo tired, but my mind is racing. my legs feel like cement, but my heart is racing. my skull is throbing. i feel like my scalp is going to fall off the sides of my head revealing a pulsating skull.

help. my nerves are frazzled. between my school, the kids in school, the cost of our new kitchen, dan's employment situation, my dad's health, my sister.....blah, blah. don't get me started on the upcoming election, the death of the school children in russia, the starving children in africa, the homeless situation in america, the amount of families without healthcare coverage or even enough food to eat.......UG.

my fingers hurt, my brain is swelling, i feel like i can't breathe. i want to crawl into bed and sleep for days.

i take a deep breath and watch my daughter dance around the basement naked. i listen to my son tell me all about tornados and how a black hole can bend light. i watch my husband fold the clean laundry. i watch the dog curl up on the couch for another nap. i whisper a prayer to god. i thank him for all my blessings and ask him to watch over the world. people without any faith in any religion can't quite understand the point of faith. how can i explain how important it is for me to have something to believe in. on the one hand it is hard to believe in the existance of any type of god with the world we live in. then it is impossible for me to not believe in god when i see the rare moments of love, humanity and pure love around me. all the questions, how could god? why would god allow? fade from my mind.

i believe because i need to believe. because sometimes the sunday blues have me sooooo down looooooww that i need god to pull me up and remind me to take a deep breath. maybe i am not as evolved as some people who deny the existance of god on a rational and intellectual level, and that is ok. for simple-minded folk like me is is very simple: god is good.