i married a man. a real man. a man who was once a "guy" and then got married and had kids. a "guy" who grew up and takes his responsibilities seriously. even when he doesn't want to.
dan is on the verge, (and i mean as in tomorrow afternoon), of losing his job. while he doesn't think this is a personal reflection upon him (because it isn't) he is worried. he takes this "i am the only person with an income" business very seriously. i have been fortunate enough to stay at home for the past 6 years. i complain on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis about this mommy job of mine. i have been jealous of dan because he gets to talk with adults during the day and even goes out to lunch with friends. i resent him coming home late, i resent him complaining about his job, i resent him complaining about his boss. the truth is my man takes care of his family. he dutifully goes to a horrible job that sucks the life out of him so that i can stay home with the kids. he does this because he loves me. he loves his children. he wants us to have a good life. i owe so much to this man. i am amazed at this person. i knew him when he had a jar of "goober" in his college dorm. i knew him when he still had dreams that did not include a wife and kids. this man has taken jobs he hates for me and his children. how dare i complain? really, am i so petty that i engage in a contest of "whose job sucked more today?" i am not afraid to admit that i have done this. i am not proud of myself.
i am proud of my husband. he worries about money, mortgage payments, car payments, money, college saving funds, medical insurance payments, the well-being of his wife and children, and money. i don't know how many stay at home moms actually think about what their husbands experience being the only "bread-winner" of the house. my husband will rarely burden me with his worries because he thinks i have enough on my plate already. the sad thing is, i do. i sometimes forget all that he is dealing with on a daily basis. at night i am plagued with worries about the kids. i never really worry about him because he seems so strong. ------oh my god, am i turning into a hallmark spotlight movie of the week featuring meredith baxter as the dutiful wife and joannah kerns as her loyal friend? i see lots of meaningful conversations over coffee in a kitchen so clean it looks like no meals have actually been cooked there. sorry......
sorry, i guess i need to go watch tv. damn the republican convention, i know i should be watching so that i get a balanced view, but....come on. i watched the democratic convention, but something about kerry's voice lulled me into a deep sleep. i have a sneaking suspicion that the right wingers will have the same effect. is 9:30 too early to go to bed?
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