meeting mommy right

ok, this could be it. i think i have met mommy right. she is nice, funny and sarcastic, smart, pretty, not too thin, was wearing no makeup, and -- the best part -- her daughter was sassy to her IN FRONT OF ME. this could be it. have i met mommy right? she said all the right things, she even complained about motherhood. i don't want to get too carried away. this has been my downfall in the past, but i think i picked up on THE VIBE.

THE VIBE is rare. it happens so infrequently. some moms only dream of experiencing THE VIBE. THE VIBE is the feeling you get when you meet someone like yourself. most single people search for THE VIBE as a future mate. i have been looking for the perfect friend. a mommy, like me, who has small and demanding children and doesn't care that her butt is the size of alaska. ok, mommy right has a very nice butt, smaller than mine, but not so small that i hate to walk behind her.

ok, i realize i sound like a complete nut, but you don't know what is like. i can't meet a normal mom. it goes without saying that i adore my kids. i love and adore my husband. i actually like being a stay at home mom (ok, 75% of the time). but i am only human. i need to vent. why is venting a sign that you hate your kids/husband/complete existance? i don't want to feel like i am the only mom on the face of the earth who could do without the complete sacrafice of myself for my family. doesn't any other mom feel completely invisible? since when did i become a "mam" instead of "miss?" doesn't any other mom feel like her head will explode if she has to answer one more question.

except the ones like: "do bees have butts? where do bees poop? what happens if your eyes fall out of your head? can i name the worm that lives in my eyelashes? why are you always holding your head and moaning? can my wing-a (read: vagina) fall out of my butt?" these questions i actually enjoy.

is it too much to ask that i find a normal, noncompetitive mom who isn't overjoyed at a lack of sleep and lack of her own personal existence? i may have found her. this is where the zoloft comes into play. hopefully i won't freak her out and scare her off. this is sounding a bit like a lifetime movie, isn't it?

"she thought she was safe. she had moved from state to state to keep her and her family safe. would this be a safe place? could she survive in this suburban neighborhood? or would she be found out? if only she could tell....is it....could it be.....oh no! run for your life, it's.....it's......CRAZY NEEDY MOM LOOKING FOR A NEW FRIEND! great, now she will have to move again."

i seriously pity this poor woman. she has no idea what she is up for. silly woman, gave me her phone number. honestly, i hope this works out. jesus, i didn't have this much trouble dating when i was single. is that what happens? i can't date my husband, so i date friends? someone to go to the movies with, eat dinner out, shop....? should i have been a lesbian? but i still want to have sex with my husband. am i experiencing "gender confusion?" has it passed from my son to me? does this mean i can stop shaving my legs?

ok, deep breath, time to go take a z.