my mistake & my mistake: part 2 (the sequel)

emma has a sippy cup that she got on a trip to the zoo. it is shaped like a polar bear and is affectionately known as "polarbearcup." yes, one word. when she is not sipping happily she is chewing on his plastic ears. everytime i see polarbearcup i dream about having him "sleep with the fishes."

the problem is that emma is really attached to him. she hasn't been this attached to anything (other than monkey, who is the exception) since her can of tomato paste. it brought me to tears watching her carry that can to bed with her, sing it songs, tuck into bed and kiss it goodnight. that can of tomato paste spent 3 months sleeping in her bed. once she would fall asleep i would sneak into her room and try and remove the can, but to no avail. emma always had a death grip on that can. she and her can had a very satisfying relationship until one night when she was in the tub and i had a pasta emergency. we acted very surprized at his sudden disappearing act. comforted emma at her loss. promised to find a new and better tomato paste can. emma replied:

"don't want 'nother. he dead now."

jesus christ. even dan turned on me demanding, "how come you had to use that can? couldn't you just go to the store and get another can?" (this was one of those hallmark moments where i find myself staring at his face, watching his lips move, not listening to anything he is saying because i am too busy imagining the thrill i would get from stabbing him in the forehead with a steak knife.)

so, emma and polarbearcup were in her room last week, spending some quality time drawing princess pictures, enjoying the good life, and a few nibbles on the plastic ears in between sips of juice. i was running around getting everyone packed for our week up north (again, love the husband, but totally MIA when it comes to getting ready for ANYTHING). in our haste to leave the next morning, polarbearcup was left in emma's room to ferment for an entire week, in the heat.

needless to say, when i discovered him on the floor, or should i say the smell of the entity found me, i was thrilled. at last, JUSTIFIBLE HOMICIDE. i quickly made my way to the kitchen, like a thief in the night, preparing polarbearcup for his impending doom.

i whispered to him, "well, it's been nice knowing ya." there i was, polarbearcup in hand, hovering over the garbage can, when i froze. should i open him up and pour out whatever is inside? i could remove it and send it to the center for disease control for the study of agressive molds.

my mind was racing, "no, 'he who hesitates is lost.' toss it!" suddenly i heard a small voice....

"hello, um, hi....ah, what are you doing? um, i know i smell bad, but don't you think this is a bit drastic? you aren't really going to throw me away are you? what about our little girl? what will she think? do you really want another repeat of the tomato paste can incident. you know, she told me all about it. she has her suspicions about you.....hey, now. stop right there. don't do it. please have mercy on me. STOP, PLEASE, THINK OF THE CHILDREN."

he had me at hello. maybe it was something about his disfigured ears, or the way his eyes met mine, all i know is i froze. that was my first mistake. children should be forced to wear bells around their necks to prevent sidling. emma caught me in a moment of weakness.

"NONONONONONONONONONO....WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T THROW POLARBEARCUP AWAY!! I LOVE HIM! GIMME IT!"

this is where i made my second mistake. i attempted a rational conversation with my 3 year old. i tried to EXPLAIN the situation to her: polarbearcup is dirty, mommy can't clean him, he is old and yucky, you will get sick and throw up if you use this, i can't fix this problem, and even the gold standard: we will go to the zoo soon (remember -- no specifics) and get a new polarbearcup.

emma calmly evaluated the situation.

"WE WASH HIM."

so now, polarbearcup is sitting in a warm sitz bath in my kitchen sink. this is my punishment for even hesitating in destroying polarbearcup. i am forced to boil water, dunk him in holy water and pray that she won't get a disease using him. well, it was my mistake. as i passed thru the kitchen earlier i swear i heard a vile voice from the sink:

"bitch"