what the fuck is up with halloween? i thought christmas was bad, with it's months of good cheer, decorations, and parties. but now we have these week long, mind-numbing, teeth-rotting celebrations for halloween. it is halloween for fuck sake! what happened to coloring pictures of pumpkins in school, coming home and putting on your costume, trick or treating for 30 minutes, and staying up late to watch a monster movie? why the hell must these children have such elaborate celebrations? i can't believe that my kids have already attended a party in their costumes, a WEEK BEFORE halloween. HELP!
i think i would rather just sit in a very sincere pumpkin patch with linus van pelt and wait for the great pumpkin. i won't even be disappointed, especially if linus tries to hold my hand.
happy halloween, blockheads!
10.25.2004
this life is gonna leave a mark
anybody see the "skating incident" on tv? if you watch the today show you saw it. they played the video of those russian skaters over and over again. i haven't seen such an overplay of video since reagan was shot. that poor girl. katie c was interviewing both the skaters this morning. i found it very interesting that the coach had to sit BETWEEN the skaters. i am sure if she could have reached him she would have turned that rooster into a chicken.
katie: "wow. that really looks like it hurt.."
NO SHIT! how about we drop ms. c on her face, 10 feet up in the air, and have her land on ice. i am not russian, but if i were that skater i would be living on painkillers and vodka. she had this cool and solid determination about her, "i will skate again, very soon." i believe her. and i wouldn't be surprised if her partner soon falls victim to "an accident."
katie: "wow. that really looks like it hurt.."
NO SHIT! how about we drop ms. c on her face, 10 feet up in the air, and have her land on ice. i am not russian, but if i were that skater i would be living on painkillers and vodka. she had this cool and solid determination about her, "i will skate again, very soon." i believe her. and i wouldn't be surprised if her partner soon falls victim to "an accident."
10.14.2004
meeting notice
hollendais!
those of you familiar with the uber-feminist club will recognize that greeting. we are planning our next meeting this week of the uber-feminist club (formerly known as the ladies auxiliary group). as you see, we have our new name, thanks to the committee for new names! in case you don't know, we chose "uber" because it sounded neat and fancy. and of course, we have "feminist" because that is what we are, the new feminists (not those pesky no-bra-wearing, working hard for the money, independent-thinking, outspoken nagging women).
i am so excited to be hosting the next meeting. the agenda is just packed full of things for us to discuss. leading the discussion will be Mrs. Ward Cleaver, whose latest book, "Vacuuming In Pearls" is just full of useful (and necessary) tips for the uber-feminist of today. Her talk will focus on the following points:
The importance of greeting your hard-working husband at the door with a fancy face, wearing a freshly ironed (and spotless) apron.
The joy of putting yourself second.
Why a daily cat-nap is equal to comitting a mortal sin.
Leaving the decision making to your husband, it is his job to lead.
Our last meeting was just thrilling! I thank our media watch committee for their report on the following:
"Why Oprah may be the anti-christ"
And here we were thinking it was ok to watch her. All that talk about taking "control of your life," "finding your true passion," and "the importance of being financially aware." YIKES! A true uber-feminist knows that all control issues are left to the husband. After all, we know who really is the most imporant person in our lives....us...god....NO SILLY, it is our husband. And isn't he just wonderful. Thank God we don't have to trouble ourselves trying to find meaning in our lives. Let the man tell us what he needs. It is the job of the uber-feminist to meet those needs. And what a full time job that can be, can I get an amen from the uber-femi's.
I would also like to send a thank you to our uber-feminist health issues committee, who provided information regarding the "our bodies, our selves -- lies for women" discussion. We are so bombarded with open and frank discussions about women and their sexuality. UG! Finally, someone has the guts to tell it like it is. Our "monthly girlie thing" is not to be a concern for our husbands. Can you believe some so-called wives actually have their husbands buying feminie hygine products for them? We uber-feminist know that this is our cross to bear alone and silently. And what is with all this "equality in sexual politics?" As uber-feminists, we understand and accept that we are to follow our husbands lead. When, where, and how is his decision, not ours. Can you imagine wives actually telling their husbands they want sex and how to pleasure them?!? As if a wife has the actual desire for such things.
So I implore all of you to attend our next meeting. Let's see how many ideas we can share on the following topics:
Why cleaning house really is women's work.
How to learn to leave your husband alone when he gets home from work.
Keeping up appearances, even if you are at the grocery store.
Learning to make your weekly allowance stretch for 2 weeks.
The importance of keeping your feelings to yourself.
How to learn to be invisible.
How to deal with self-loathing.
Keeping your suicide-fantasies to a minimum.
Ah, the uber-feminist. The world really is a wonderful place.....as long as we are home alone.....seen and not heard......stay out of the workforce.....keep our feelings of lonliness and isolation to ourselves.
Cous Cous
those of you familiar with the uber-feminist club will recognize that greeting. we are planning our next meeting this week of the uber-feminist club (formerly known as the ladies auxiliary group). as you see, we have our new name, thanks to the committee for new names! in case you don't know, we chose "uber" because it sounded neat and fancy. and of course, we have "feminist" because that is what we are, the new feminists (not those pesky no-bra-wearing, working hard for the money, independent-thinking, outspoken nagging women).
i am so excited to be hosting the next meeting. the agenda is just packed full of things for us to discuss. leading the discussion will be Mrs. Ward Cleaver, whose latest book, "Vacuuming In Pearls" is just full of useful (and necessary) tips for the uber-feminist of today. Her talk will focus on the following points:
The importance of greeting your hard-working husband at the door with a fancy face, wearing a freshly ironed (and spotless) apron.
The joy of putting yourself second.
Why a daily cat-nap is equal to comitting a mortal sin.
Leaving the decision making to your husband, it is his job to lead.
Our last meeting was just thrilling! I thank our media watch committee for their report on the following:
"Why Oprah may be the anti-christ"
And here we were thinking it was ok to watch her. All that talk about taking "control of your life," "finding your true passion," and "the importance of being financially aware." YIKES! A true uber-feminist knows that all control issues are left to the husband. After all, we know who really is the most imporant person in our lives....us...god....NO SILLY, it is our husband. And isn't he just wonderful. Thank God we don't have to trouble ourselves trying to find meaning in our lives. Let the man tell us what he needs. It is the job of the uber-feminist to meet those needs. And what a full time job that can be, can I get an amen from the uber-femi's.
I would also like to send a thank you to our uber-feminist health issues committee, who provided information regarding the "our bodies, our selves -- lies for women" discussion. We are so bombarded with open and frank discussions about women and their sexuality. UG! Finally, someone has the guts to tell it like it is. Our "monthly girlie thing" is not to be a concern for our husbands. Can you believe some so-called wives actually have their husbands buying feminie hygine products for them? We uber-feminist know that this is our cross to bear alone and silently. And what is with all this "equality in sexual politics?" As uber-feminists, we understand and accept that we are to follow our husbands lead. When, where, and how is his decision, not ours. Can you imagine wives actually telling their husbands they want sex and how to pleasure them?!? As if a wife has the actual desire for such things.
So I implore all of you to attend our next meeting. Let's see how many ideas we can share on the following topics:
Why cleaning house really is women's work.
How to learn to leave your husband alone when he gets home from work.
Keeping up appearances, even if you are at the grocery store.
Learning to make your weekly allowance stretch for 2 weeks.
The importance of keeping your feelings to yourself.
How to learn to be invisible.
How to deal with self-loathing.
Keeping your suicide-fantasies to a minimum.
Ah, the uber-feminist. The world really is a wonderful place.....as long as we are home alone.....seen and not heard......stay out of the workforce.....keep our feelings of lonliness and isolation to ourselves.
Cous Cous
10.12.2004
the cleavers, we ain't
this is dinner at our house:
emma eating dinner wearing only a pair of summer shorts.
nik demanding to know what animal this "stuff" came from.
emma using her steak as a utensil to eat her ketchup, with her fingers
nik asking if i can still hear the music even though he is plugging his ears (yes, i can)
emma announcing how much she loves this "jango fet" music and dancing around while licking her fingers (for the record we were listening to django reinhart---not to be confused with the character, jango fet, from star wars).
emma screaming at the top of her lungs thinking she has blood on her stomach, which turns out to be ketchup.
emma nearly choking to death from the combination of laughing at herself and shoving a side of a cow down her throat.
me saying, "ALL RIGHT, DINNER IS NOW DONE."
dan and i laughing as both the children see how many mini cookies they can shove in their mouth and spraying each other with cookie crumbs.
miss manners would have a heart attack if she had to dine at this zoo. at least my kids are past flinging their poo at each other across the table. i am kidding.....or am i?
emma eating dinner wearing only a pair of summer shorts.
nik demanding to know what animal this "stuff" came from.
emma using her steak as a utensil to eat her ketchup, with her fingers
nik asking if i can still hear the music even though he is plugging his ears (yes, i can)
emma announcing how much she loves this "jango fet" music and dancing around while licking her fingers (for the record we were listening to django reinhart---not to be confused with the character, jango fet, from star wars).
emma screaming at the top of her lungs thinking she has blood on her stomach, which turns out to be ketchup.
emma nearly choking to death from the combination of laughing at herself and shoving a side of a cow down her throat.
me saying, "ALL RIGHT, DINNER IS NOW DONE."
dan and i laughing as both the children see how many mini cookies they can shove in their mouth and spraying each other with cookie crumbs.
miss manners would have a heart attack if she had to dine at this zoo. at least my kids are past flinging their poo at each other across the table. i am kidding.....or am i?
10.08.2004
up & away in my beautiful balloon....
WARNING -- THE FOLLOWING BLOG CONTAINS A WHIFF OF POLITICS. 'TIS THE SEASON.....
i have been talking way too much lately. i have been having an out-of-body experience while i am in the middle of conversations. my mouth is running a mile a minute and suddenly i float off. no longer aware of what i am saying. then, in an instant i am back in the moment. however, i cannot remember what i am talking about but am painfully aware that i am talking. and talking. and talking. so, then i am nervous and embarassed, my face turns purple and my conversation ends up in me saying something like:
"well, so, like i don't know. i'm just so crazy. who am i to talk. i mean, ya know, life is so funny that way....."
i trail off into oblivion, the stares of the people around me cause me to laugh nervously and i end up chirping like a crazed squirrel.
i so wish that all of my talking could be held in one of those cartoon balloons. that way when i zap back into the middle of my conversations i could politely excuse myself and float away.
"....so, like, ummmm...yeah, excuse me. i need to just grab these words and get the fuck out of here. it may seem rude, but really i am doing this for your own good. if i don't float away right now i am just going to keep rambling to you and i have no idea what we are talking about. bye bye......"
ah, if only life could be like cartoons. i can only imagine what i would look like. a frumpy watermelon-shaped-head creature with a long nose and giant teeth that fly out of my big mouth when i laugh. clown feet that trip me, even when i am sitting on my alaskan sized butt. a chirping voice that rises to ear-splitting levels when upset. tall and wide forehead that has a running ticker with the following: "WARNING! SOME MATERIAL NOT SUITABLE FOR ADULTS AND CHILDREN! PERSCRIPTION MEDICATION ADVISED. CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE. HANDLE WITH CARE!" what a pretty picture.
it is friday family movie night here. although dan and i are biding our time until the kids go to bed and we can really let our hair down. soft lights, the warm glow of the television, eating chinese food in bed....and listening to dan scream at george w. and me yelling at dan, "quiet! i can't hear a goddamn thing when you yell!" nik coming out into the hallway to see what all the yelling is about, "hey, relax you guys. we are all friends here. why is daddy yelling at the president?" emma coming out of her room to see what all the activity is about and deciding to climb up into our love nest/bed and eat all of my chinese food. both of the kids telling dan to stop yelling at the president. dan using some junk words and promising both the kids he will put $10 into the junk word jar. me saying, "ALL RIGHT. IT IS NOW TIME FOR EVERYONE TO RETURN TO THEIR ROOMS AND GO TO SLEEP." me making dan go back out to get more food. me falling asleep waiting for dan to come back. me waking up in the middle of the night and looking over at my husband sleeping soundly. i will look at him and feel a sudden rush of love. sometimes it hits me so hard i lose my breath. i will nudge him in the ribs and kiss him on the nose and i will be reminded of how lucky i am.
god bless and remember to VOTE!
i have been talking way too much lately. i have been having an out-of-body experience while i am in the middle of conversations. my mouth is running a mile a minute and suddenly i float off. no longer aware of what i am saying. then, in an instant i am back in the moment. however, i cannot remember what i am talking about but am painfully aware that i am talking. and talking. and talking. so, then i am nervous and embarassed, my face turns purple and my conversation ends up in me saying something like:
"well, so, like i don't know. i'm just so crazy. who am i to talk. i mean, ya know, life is so funny that way....."
i trail off into oblivion, the stares of the people around me cause me to laugh nervously and i end up chirping like a crazed squirrel.
i so wish that all of my talking could be held in one of those cartoon balloons. that way when i zap back into the middle of my conversations i could politely excuse myself and float away.
"....so, like, ummmm...yeah, excuse me. i need to just grab these words and get the fuck out of here. it may seem rude, but really i am doing this for your own good. if i don't float away right now i am just going to keep rambling to you and i have no idea what we are talking about. bye bye......"
ah, if only life could be like cartoons. i can only imagine what i would look like. a frumpy watermelon-shaped-head creature with a long nose and giant teeth that fly out of my big mouth when i laugh. clown feet that trip me, even when i am sitting on my alaskan sized butt. a chirping voice that rises to ear-splitting levels when upset. tall and wide forehead that has a running ticker with the following: "WARNING! SOME MATERIAL NOT SUITABLE FOR ADULTS AND CHILDREN! PERSCRIPTION MEDICATION ADVISED. CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE. HANDLE WITH CARE!" what a pretty picture.
it is friday family movie night here. although dan and i are biding our time until the kids go to bed and we can really let our hair down. soft lights, the warm glow of the television, eating chinese food in bed....and listening to dan scream at george w. and me yelling at dan, "quiet! i can't hear a goddamn thing when you yell!" nik coming out into the hallway to see what all the yelling is about, "hey, relax you guys. we are all friends here. why is daddy yelling at the president?" emma coming out of her room to see what all the activity is about and deciding to climb up into our love nest/bed and eat all of my chinese food. both of the kids telling dan to stop yelling at the president. dan using some junk words and promising both the kids he will put $10 into the junk word jar. me saying, "ALL RIGHT. IT IS NOW TIME FOR EVERYONE TO RETURN TO THEIR ROOMS AND GO TO SLEEP." me making dan go back out to get more food. me falling asleep waiting for dan to come back. me waking up in the middle of the night and looking over at my husband sleeping soundly. i will look at him and feel a sudden rush of love. sometimes it hits me so hard i lose my breath. i will nudge him in the ribs and kiss him on the nose and i will be reminded of how lucky i am.
god bless and remember to VOTE!
10.06.2004
the force is strong......
watch for the cameo by "evita." see how seriously she takes this! oh, yeah, the lump on the couch...that is me. i managed to sleep thru all of this. well, if you were home sick with hand, foot and mouth for a week what would you do? you without the sin of boredom cast the first stone.
10.01.2004
loves o' mine
tell me i am not the luckiest woman in the world....
what says summer more than wet grassy feet
'tis a thing of beauty
oh, nik is sooooo mature for his age
me and evita
the spoils of summer
the lake holds many mysteries
these things will meet a horrible end when dan isn't looking
yes, this motherhood thing is hard, but sometimes they make my job effortless
i figured after all the ranting and raving i have done lately i should be more positive. this is my attempt at being suzy sunshine. i am a work in progress.....
what says summer more than wet grassy feet
'tis a thing of beauty
oh, nik is sooooo mature for his age
me and evita
the spoils of summer
the lake holds many mysteries
these things will meet a horrible end when dan isn't looking
yes, this motherhood thing is hard, but sometimes they make my job effortless
i figured after all the ranting and raving i have done lately i should be more positive. this is my attempt at being suzy sunshine. i am a work in progress.....
9.30.2004
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BOO
today my firsborn, my beautiful son, Nikolas was born. he is now 6 years old. i can't believe it. i remember almost everything about the day he was born. mostly i remember, after pushing for an hour, whispering to my husband "what is taking so long. what are we waiting for?" dan just laughed and said in his loud voice, "sweetie, we are waiting for you to push the baby out." what had i been doing for an hour? was this pre-pushing? the dr. informed me there was no such thing. that if i wanted the baby out i would have to push him all the way out.
FOUR HOURS LATER, this beautiful purple and green lizard-boy with an extended head finally arrived. when they placed nik on my chest i actually gasped. the dr. said, "yep, a 10 lb. 12 oz. baby will do that to you."
i always laugh to myself when i hear of women who absolutely refuse to even consider any type of medication for childbirth. i salute you. me, i like the drugs.
but, this is not about me, although i am responsible for him being here. never mind the pain i endured. never mind the extra backfat i now carry with me. never mind my body looks as if an animal clawed his way out. i have nikolas.
nikolas is now 6. he is the most interesting person i know. he uses phrases like, "by the way" and "did i happen to mention." I LOVE THAT. he has a wonderful sense of humor and a very sharp intellect. he has lost so much of the momma's boy personality, but still likes it when i snuggle to him in bed. when i say goodbye to him at school he insists on just waving. no messy kisses allowed. but when i tuck him in at night he whispers in my ear, "momma i am going to buy a house near you when i grow up. that way i can still see you everyday. will you still love me?"
this is where the happy tears flow freely. i can't even imagine what this beautiful boy could do that would ever make me stop loving him. dan's parents haven't spoken to him in years. my parents forgot nik's birthday today. this baffles me. i constantly strive to keep what is most important in my mind. HUSBAND AND CHILDREN. it may not seem like a lot, but to me i am the richest woman in the world.
after opening his presents, we had cake for breakfast. nik and emma have been home sick all week with the damn HAND FOOT AND MOUTH virus. i have also fallen victim of this motherfucker of a virus. nik's mouth is covered with so many sores he can barely eat. nik was unable to eat his birthday cake and ran crying to his room. "this is the worst birthday of my life!" how small do we feel? i promised nik that once all the sores were healed there would be cake for breakfast again. this brought a smile to my boo's face. that smile made my day.
FOUR HOURS LATER, this beautiful purple and green lizard-boy with an extended head finally arrived. when they placed nik on my chest i actually gasped. the dr. said, "yep, a 10 lb. 12 oz. baby will do that to you."
i always laugh to myself when i hear of women who absolutely refuse to even consider any type of medication for childbirth. i salute you. me, i like the drugs.
but, this is not about me, although i am responsible for him being here. never mind the pain i endured. never mind the extra backfat i now carry with me. never mind my body looks as if an animal clawed his way out. i have nikolas.
nikolas is now 6. he is the most interesting person i know. he uses phrases like, "by the way" and "did i happen to mention." I LOVE THAT. he has a wonderful sense of humor and a very sharp intellect. he has lost so much of the momma's boy personality, but still likes it when i snuggle to him in bed. when i say goodbye to him at school he insists on just waving. no messy kisses allowed. but when i tuck him in at night he whispers in my ear, "momma i am going to buy a house near you when i grow up. that way i can still see you everyday. will you still love me?"
this is where the happy tears flow freely. i can't even imagine what this beautiful boy could do that would ever make me stop loving him. dan's parents haven't spoken to him in years. my parents forgot nik's birthday today. this baffles me. i constantly strive to keep what is most important in my mind. HUSBAND AND CHILDREN. it may not seem like a lot, but to me i am the richest woman in the world.
after opening his presents, we had cake for breakfast. nik and emma have been home sick all week with the damn HAND FOOT AND MOUTH virus. i have also fallen victim of this motherfucker of a virus. nik's mouth is covered with so many sores he can barely eat. nik was unable to eat his birthday cake and ran crying to his room. "this is the worst birthday of my life!" how small do we feel? i promised nik that once all the sores were healed there would be cake for breakfast again. this brought a smile to my boo's face. that smile made my day.
9.28.2004
welcome to virus island
DAMN HAND FOOT AND MOUTH!!!
what is this virus? i hadn't heard about this until last year. nik had managed to escape lice, rsv, chicken pox, and this hand foot mouth disease. why do they call it a disease? isn't this just a virus. the kind of virus that is reeking havoc on my life. leave it to emma to bring it home and share.
this is my life for the past 3 days:
emma with a fever between 100.9 and 102.8
emma yelling
emma covered in a rash that is painful to the touch
popsicle
popsicle
coke (for me)
emma yelling
emma sleeping for 20 minutes and then yelling
emma having a fever so high she is seeing bugs on her wall that aren't there
popsicle
popsicle
emma fever
emma yelling
me going to get nik from school because he is now sick
emma fever
emma now refusing to eat popsicle
coke (for me and nik)
nik in wizard costume sleeping like an angel
me crying in the bathroom from lack of sleep
emma fever hitting 102
me freaking out and actually yelling at the nurse in my pediatrician's office
me apologizing
me yelling again
emma crying her lungs out as i give her a tepid bath to break the fever
nik helping me (what a godsend, extra birthday presents this year)
hubby coming home to absolute nightmare
hubby bringing sherbert home for emma
emma happy to see daddy (this lasts for about 3 minutes)
emma yelling
emma having another tepid bath
emma calm and resting next to me in my bed
emma puking all over me
emma yelling
emma fever
emma not sleeping
family not sleeping
me hating to see my little baby so unhappy and there is nothing i can do about it
the best part of the past 3 days: kathryn, who upon hearing that emma was reallly sick with hand foot and mouth actually said the following:
"how can she have that? she isn't around any cows? when was she around any livestock?"
god bless kathryn. and god help me. this lie about fever lasting 3 days is bullshit. poor nik should be at his worst for his birthday later this week. nobody ever tells you this part of parenthood. sick kids and you feeling completely helpless.
what is this virus? i hadn't heard about this until last year. nik had managed to escape lice, rsv, chicken pox, and this hand foot mouth disease. why do they call it a disease? isn't this just a virus. the kind of virus that is reeking havoc on my life. leave it to emma to bring it home and share.
this is my life for the past 3 days:
emma with a fever between 100.9 and 102.8
emma yelling
emma covered in a rash that is painful to the touch
popsicle
popsicle
coke (for me)
emma yelling
emma sleeping for 20 minutes and then yelling
emma having a fever so high she is seeing bugs on her wall that aren't there
popsicle
popsicle
emma fever
emma yelling
me going to get nik from school because he is now sick
emma fever
emma now refusing to eat popsicle
coke (for me and nik)
nik in wizard costume sleeping like an angel
me crying in the bathroom from lack of sleep
emma fever hitting 102
me freaking out and actually yelling at the nurse in my pediatrician's office
me apologizing
me yelling again
emma crying her lungs out as i give her a tepid bath to break the fever
nik helping me (what a godsend, extra birthday presents this year)
hubby coming home to absolute nightmare
hubby bringing sherbert home for emma
emma happy to see daddy (this lasts for about 3 minutes)
emma yelling
emma having another tepid bath
emma calm and resting next to me in my bed
emma puking all over me
emma yelling
emma fever
emma not sleeping
family not sleeping
me hating to see my little baby so unhappy and there is nothing i can do about it
the best part of the past 3 days: kathryn, who upon hearing that emma was reallly sick with hand foot and mouth actually said the following:
"how can she have that? she isn't around any cows? when was she around any livestock?"
god bless kathryn. and god help me. this lie about fever lasting 3 days is bullshit. poor nik should be at his worst for his birthday later this week. nobody ever tells you this part of parenthood. sick kids and you feeling completely helpless.
pity party, table for one
i know you! you were the girl on the playground that didn't participate with the group. you made yourself the outsider. you vowed revenge on all who made you feel so lonely. you were going to show the world. they would be sorry. gee, you are starting to sound a lot like carrie. remember what happened to her? personally, you could go up in flames and i wouldn't mind.
you think you have discovered something special and should be the only one entitled to use it. what make you think only your words are worth reading? what makes you think that no one else has any thing of any relevance to say? who the fuck do you think you are?
"this is mine and only for me. i am the only person who has something important to say. i am not going to share. see how smart and funny i am? don't you envy me, NOW? don't you wish you could be me? all you have are cheap imitations, i am the original and the best."
FUCK YOU!
i know you. and you know that. i know how pathetic you really are. i know how you feel when you look in the mirror. all your worst fears are true. you are the worst. you are still the same sad little miss nothing you were growing up. you haven't changed at all. you can pretend and rewrite history all you want. you haven't grown up at all. go on, have your big dreams of "being something." i know you are a great pretender, but i also remember everything you said. you told me things you shouldn't have and i will forever hold them against you. you make me sick.
enjoy your empty little existance. i know that each day you will wake up to the reality that you are not good enough.....for ANYTHING. but, hey, keep trying. i admire how you continue to try even though you know you will always fail. good luck with all that.
by the way, did i mention that your husband attempted an inappropriate intimacy with me? hard to believe? really....think about it. think about your sad little life, your desperate attempts to "keep things going." isn't it amazing how thin that string is...you know the string that is holding your entire "little happy life" together. a strong wind can and will break it...again and again. but, hey, keep trying.
you are one pathetic plucky little snail.
you think you have discovered something special and should be the only one entitled to use it. what make you think only your words are worth reading? what makes you think that no one else has any thing of any relevance to say? who the fuck do you think you are?
"this is mine and only for me. i am the only person who has something important to say. i am not going to share. see how smart and funny i am? don't you envy me, NOW? don't you wish you could be me? all you have are cheap imitations, i am the original and the best."
FUCK YOU!
i know you. and you know that. i know how pathetic you really are. i know how you feel when you look in the mirror. all your worst fears are true. you are the worst. you are still the same sad little miss nothing you were growing up. you haven't changed at all. you can pretend and rewrite history all you want. you haven't grown up at all. go on, have your big dreams of "being something." i know you are a great pretender, but i also remember everything you said. you told me things you shouldn't have and i will forever hold them against you. you make me sick.
enjoy your empty little existance. i know that each day you will wake up to the reality that you are not good enough.....for ANYTHING. but, hey, keep trying. i admire how you continue to try even though you know you will always fail. good luck with all that.
by the way, did i mention that your husband attempted an inappropriate intimacy with me? hard to believe? really....think about it. think about your sad little life, your desperate attempts to "keep things going." isn't it amazing how thin that string is...you know the string that is holding your entire "little happy life" together. a strong wind can and will break it...again and again. but, hey, keep trying.
you are one pathetic plucky little snail.
9.19.2004
the lean, mean, processed-meat-eating machine
i am driving in the car. evita is in the backseat. i come to an intersection and realize that because of construction, the road i need is closed. i decide to turn left, from the right hand lane. normally, i would never do such a thing, but it was either turn illegally or run off the road. apparently the bald guy in the convertable bmw behind me didn't care if i ran off the road because as i made the illegal turn he yelled, "bitch." to which i responded, "are you out of your fucking mind?!?!" then i hear from the backseat, "HEY, YOU MISTER, DON'T SAY THAT JUNK WORD!"
i have never been so proud! i apologized to emma for my use of the junk word and for yelling at the guy. emma responded with, "it's ok, momma. he should not talk that way to my momma. he is making bad decisions. i don't like that mean man."
emma. she may not always like me, but she always "got my back."
i have never been so proud! i apologized to emma for my use of the junk word and for yelling at the guy. emma responded with, "it's ok, momma. he should not talk that way to my momma. he is making bad decisions. i don't like that mean man."
emma. she may not always like me, but she always "got my back."
9.17.2004
did you happen to see the most beautiful boy in the world?
nikolas, the love of my life, overheard me telling dan that i was going to take kathryn (my mom) to target this morning. there is an entire blog entry coming on what it means to "take kathryn to target," but that comes later. nik has the capacity to hear me whisper to dan about birthday presents or cookies being in the house, but he can't hear me say, "5 minutes before we leave for school." amazing, isn't it?
so i am brushing my teeth, talking to dan (who is in the shower ---- we often have conversations this way, privacy no longer exists in our home) and nik suddenly is hugging me from behind. "i love you, momma. you are the best momma in the whole universe and earth, too. i think you look very pretty this morning, and your breath smells really good." i hug him and cover his face with kisses. i know that this is a ploy to win me over for something, but i love the attention so i play along.
me: "why thank you, nik. how sweet of you to say so."
nik: "you know, if you wanted to, you could buy me a teddy bear at target."
me: "well, what about the other 10 teddy bears you have already? won't they be jealous if i bring another bear into the house? you hardly have any room in your bed to sleep. how would your bears feel if they had to give up more of the bed to make room for another bear?"
nik: "mom, we all need to learn to get along. there should be room for any bear who wants to sleep in my bed. i don't mind. i could even sleep on the floor."
mind you, this boy has a bunk bed, filled to capacity with animals and pillows.
me: "that is very generous of you, honey. i don't think i can't get a new bear today."
nik: "mom, is it a money issue?"
me: "ummmm, ok, yeah, it is a money issue."
nik: "that i understand, mom. will you let me know when daddy has money and then you can ask him if it is ok for you to have some money so that you can buy me a new bear?"
me: "sure thing nik. i will ask daddy for my allowance and then spend it on you."
nik: "what is an allowance? why are you laughing? what is so funny? are you losing it, momma?"
yeah, i am losing it.
so i am brushing my teeth, talking to dan (who is in the shower ---- we often have conversations this way, privacy no longer exists in our home) and nik suddenly is hugging me from behind. "i love you, momma. you are the best momma in the whole universe and earth, too. i think you look very pretty this morning, and your breath smells really good." i hug him and cover his face with kisses. i know that this is a ploy to win me over for something, but i love the attention so i play along.
me: "why thank you, nik. how sweet of you to say so."
nik: "you know, if you wanted to, you could buy me a teddy bear at target."
me: "well, what about the other 10 teddy bears you have already? won't they be jealous if i bring another bear into the house? you hardly have any room in your bed to sleep. how would your bears feel if they had to give up more of the bed to make room for another bear?"
nik: "mom, we all need to learn to get along. there should be room for any bear who wants to sleep in my bed. i don't mind. i could even sleep on the floor."
mind you, this boy has a bunk bed, filled to capacity with animals and pillows.
me: "that is very generous of you, honey. i don't think i can't get a new bear today."
nik: "mom, is it a money issue?"
me: "ummmm, ok, yeah, it is a money issue."
nik: "that i understand, mom. will you let me know when daddy has money and then you can ask him if it is ok for you to have some money so that you can buy me a new bear?"
me: "sure thing nik. i will ask daddy for my allowance and then spend it on you."
nik: "what is an allowance? why are you laughing? what is so funny? are you losing it, momma?"
yeah, i am losing it.
9.12.2004
sunday blues
my mother was the first person to explain the concept of the "sunday blues" to me. i could never understand why i felt the way i did on sundays. it is a combination of exhaustion and nervous anxiety. i am sooooooo tired, but my mind is racing. my legs feel like cement, but my heart is racing. my skull is throbing. i feel like my scalp is going to fall off the sides of my head revealing a pulsating skull.
help. my nerves are frazzled. between my school, the kids in school, the cost of our new kitchen, dan's employment situation, my dad's health, my sister.....blah, blah. don't get me started on the upcoming election, the death of the school children in russia, the starving children in africa, the homeless situation in america, the amount of families without healthcare coverage or even enough food to eat.......UG.
my fingers hurt, my brain is swelling, i feel like i can't breathe. i want to crawl into bed and sleep for days.
i take a deep breath and watch my daughter dance around the basement naked. i listen to my son tell me all about tornados and how a black hole can bend light. i watch my husband fold the clean laundry. i watch the dog curl up on the couch for another nap. i whisper a prayer to god. i thank him for all my blessings and ask him to watch over the world. people without any faith in any religion can't quite understand the point of faith. how can i explain how important it is for me to have something to believe in. on the one hand it is hard to believe in the existance of any type of god with the world we live in. then it is impossible for me to not believe in god when i see the rare moments of love, humanity and pure love around me. all the questions, how could god? why would god allow? fade from my mind.
i believe because i need to believe. because sometimes the sunday blues have me sooooo down looooooww that i need god to pull me up and remind me to take a deep breath. maybe i am not as evolved as some people who deny the existance of god on a rational and intellectual level, and that is ok. for simple-minded folk like me is is very simple: god is good.
help. my nerves are frazzled. between my school, the kids in school, the cost of our new kitchen, dan's employment situation, my dad's health, my sister.....blah, blah. don't get me started on the upcoming election, the death of the school children in russia, the starving children in africa, the homeless situation in america, the amount of families without healthcare coverage or even enough food to eat.......UG.
my fingers hurt, my brain is swelling, i feel like i can't breathe. i want to crawl into bed and sleep for days.
i take a deep breath and watch my daughter dance around the basement naked. i listen to my son tell me all about tornados and how a black hole can bend light. i watch my husband fold the clean laundry. i watch the dog curl up on the couch for another nap. i whisper a prayer to god. i thank him for all my blessings and ask him to watch over the world. people without any faith in any religion can't quite understand the point of faith. how can i explain how important it is for me to have something to believe in. on the one hand it is hard to believe in the existance of any type of god with the world we live in. then it is impossible for me to not believe in god when i see the rare moments of love, humanity and pure love around me. all the questions, how could god? why would god allow? fade from my mind.
i believe because i need to believe. because sometimes the sunday blues have me sooooo down looooooww that i need god to pull me up and remind me to take a deep breath. maybe i am not as evolved as some people who deny the existance of god on a rational and intellectual level, and that is ok. for simple-minded folk like me is is very simple: god is good.
9.08.2004
the problem with being a grown up
the problem with being a grown up is the you are aware of the world around you. when we are small children we are oblivious to all the pain and hatred going on around us. hopefully we were unaware. now when i watch the news i want to cry. how do i explain to my son that children in this world, in our very own country are hungry? how can i explain that people hate so much that they take another person's life? how long can i keep my kids from being aware of all the ugliness in the world? i made the mistake of having npr on in the car when i was taking my son to school. after hearing the report about the deaths of the school children in russia he asked me, "did little children die? why did that happen?"
i was so busy looking for a fucking parking spot at the school i didn't notice what i was listening to. "little pitchers" rather than tell him, "oh, it was nothing," as my parents did i told him the truth: some people make really bad decisions that can hurt other people. this he understood. how can he understand this? i don't.
sorry, guess the world is getting to me....
i was so busy looking for a fucking parking spot at the school i didn't notice what i was listening to. "little pitchers" rather than tell him, "oh, it was nothing," as my parents did i told him the truth: some people make really bad decisions that can hurt other people. this he understood. how can he understand this? i don't.
sorry, guess the world is getting to me....
9.05.2004
gotta love the chef
this is the reason i love my babies.
nik: boy, i love this chef boyardee. ( he was eating pasta and homemade sauce. i don't have the slightest idea why he feels the need to reduce my home-cooked meals to something that comes out of a can)
emma: i don't like the chef. it is disgusting! (she says this as she is eating like i haven't fed her for weeks.)
me: when did either of you ever have chef boyardee?
nik: long time ago.
emma: yeah.
me: when? when did you have the chef? (now i am calling it "the chef." isn't it funny how we parents pick up and use our children's language?)
nik: BIG SIGH -- when we went to the north pole. santa gave it to us.
me: you went all the way to the north pole and all santa could feed you was the chef?
nik: i liked it. santa's busy. he showed me some karate.
emma: yeah. and ballet dances, too.
me: where was mrs. claus?
emma: she dead.
nik: yeah.
i see.
nik: boy, i love this chef boyardee. ( he was eating pasta and homemade sauce. i don't have the slightest idea why he feels the need to reduce my home-cooked meals to something that comes out of a can)
emma: i don't like the chef. it is disgusting! (she says this as she is eating like i haven't fed her for weeks.)
me: when did either of you ever have chef boyardee?
nik: long time ago.
emma: yeah.
me: when? when did you have the chef? (now i am calling it "the chef." isn't it funny how we parents pick up and use our children's language?)
nik: BIG SIGH -- when we went to the north pole. santa gave it to us.
me: you went all the way to the north pole and all santa could feed you was the chef?
nik: i liked it. santa's busy. he showed me some karate.
emma: yeah. and ballet dances, too.
me: where was mrs. claus?
emma: she dead.
nik: yeah.
i see.
9.03.2004
calling dr. feelgood.....
so i go to see my friendly family doctor. i told him that i was there against my will. my mother made me go to see him. apparently my loving husband had informed her that i have been complaining of a headache for the past weeks. my mother proceeds to begin "working on me" to call the doctor for an appointment.
"while you are there be sure to tell him about your sinus trouble. and how you have been so tired lately. and let him know about your constant throwing up....blah blah blah."
this continues for another 20 minutes. somewhere in the midst of this, she suggests that i make a list of problems so that i don't leave anything out. when i decline, she offers to make the list for me.
this is my mother. i am slowing becoming my mother.
when i was 12 years old my mother put "the curse" on me. i had just returned from spending the night at a friend's house. this friend of mine was very "cosmo girl." she had taught me all about the word: fuck. how to use it, when to use it, etc. we had spent hours practicing. i enjoyed this very much. so much, that when i returned home i tried it out on my own mom. i was in my room, which was a complete mess for most of the 18 years i lived there. my mom came into my room and simply asked if i was ever planning on cleaning up my room. my response to this innocent question was: "MYO'f-ing'B."
ever have one of those moments when you wish you had the power to stop time and reverse it? as the words left my mouth and were hanging in the air i desperately wished i had this power. i could see the words just hanging there, floating from my mouth across the room to my mother. i wish i could have reached out, grabbed them and shoved them into my pocket.
my mother received this verbal assualt with all the composure of a seasoned general.
"you know, jennifer.....you and i don't have to like each other. in fact, there will be a period of time in which you don't want to be around me. i understand this and it is ok. because we will survive this period of time and will come out of it as friends. i just want you to know that."
i stood there frozen. i couldn't believe she was going to let me off the hook. didn't she hear what i said? didn't she hear that sassy pre-teen voice of mine? isn't she going to punish me? then she laid "the curse" on me. just as i thought she was going to leave my room, she paused at the door....gave me a look to melt the polar icecaps (bette davis would have been proud) and said:
"one day i hope you have a daughter that treats you the way you treat me."
HELP. i wasn't so young that i didn't understand the implications of her threat. and yes, it was a threat. i tried in vain to roll my eyes and shrug my shoulders, but deep down i was terrified. and i had reason to be. enter: EMMA. the chickens have come home to roost. and don't think that kathryn isn't loving every minute of it.
so, i tell the doctor that i am fine and that i am there against my will. i haven't been in charge of my own will for quite some time. he is so kind and patient. he decided that since i was there i should take advantage of the opportunity and enjoy the peace and quiet of his office. i asked if i could take a nap. he smiled at me and said, "you have 20 minutes," and closed the door. i left the doctor's office very happy, recharged, and with nasal spray and an antihistimine.
when my husband and mother asked what the doctor had recommended, i informed them i wasn't to do anymore housework because it irritates my allergies. i don't think they bought this....
"while you are there be sure to tell him about your sinus trouble. and how you have been so tired lately. and let him know about your constant throwing up....blah blah blah."
this continues for another 20 minutes. somewhere in the midst of this, she suggests that i make a list of problems so that i don't leave anything out. when i decline, she offers to make the list for me.
this is my mother. i am slowing becoming my mother.
when i was 12 years old my mother put "the curse" on me. i had just returned from spending the night at a friend's house. this friend of mine was very "cosmo girl." she had taught me all about the word: fuck. how to use it, when to use it, etc. we had spent hours practicing. i enjoyed this very much. so much, that when i returned home i tried it out on my own mom. i was in my room, which was a complete mess for most of the 18 years i lived there. my mom came into my room and simply asked if i was ever planning on cleaning up my room. my response to this innocent question was: "MYO'f-ing'B."
ever have one of those moments when you wish you had the power to stop time and reverse it? as the words left my mouth and were hanging in the air i desperately wished i had this power. i could see the words just hanging there, floating from my mouth across the room to my mother. i wish i could have reached out, grabbed them and shoved them into my pocket.
my mother received this verbal assualt with all the composure of a seasoned general.
"you know, jennifer.....you and i don't have to like each other. in fact, there will be a period of time in which you don't want to be around me. i understand this and it is ok. because we will survive this period of time and will come out of it as friends. i just want you to know that."
i stood there frozen. i couldn't believe she was going to let me off the hook. didn't she hear what i said? didn't she hear that sassy pre-teen voice of mine? isn't she going to punish me? then she laid "the curse" on me. just as i thought she was going to leave my room, she paused at the door....gave me a look to melt the polar icecaps (bette davis would have been proud) and said:
"one day i hope you have a daughter that treats you the way you treat me."
HELP. i wasn't so young that i didn't understand the implications of her threat. and yes, it was a threat. i tried in vain to roll my eyes and shrug my shoulders, but deep down i was terrified. and i had reason to be. enter: EMMA. the chickens have come home to roost. and don't think that kathryn isn't loving every minute of it.
so, i tell the doctor that i am fine and that i am there against my will. i haven't been in charge of my own will for quite some time. he is so kind and patient. he decided that since i was there i should take advantage of the opportunity and enjoy the peace and quiet of his office. i asked if i could take a nap. he smiled at me and said, "you have 20 minutes," and closed the door. i left the doctor's office very happy, recharged, and with nasal spray and an antihistimine.
when my husband and mother asked what the doctor had recommended, i informed them i wasn't to do anymore housework because it irritates my allergies. i don't think they bought this....
8.31.2004
actual events inspired by fictional characters
these things have really happened:
at a wake of a family member, i informed a LARGE group of people that i believed the dearly departed had waited until the first grandchild was born before passing on. i said, "it was as if the baby gave her a new LEASH ON LIFE."
while out walking late one night, i discovered that i hadn't been kicking a piece of cardboard down the street, but rather a dead squirrel that had petrified in the heat of the day.
when responding to the question, "why would anyone have their nipples pierced?" i answered, "because it is an ANDROGENOUS ZONE."
when commenting on how my son had taken advantage of a situation, i once said "he is PLAYING YOU LIKE A BOOK."
while pregnant and waiting for a train, i threw up on a stranger's shoes. when i bent down to wipe them off with a wet wipe i proceeded to throw up on the stranger's briefcase.
while having a loud disagreement with my daughter in a store, she yelled at me: "you are hurting my penis!" i responded with, "YOU DON'T HAVE A PENIS!" to which she said, "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU BROKE IT. YOU ALWAYS BREAK PEOPLE'S PENISES!" the only logical response from me was: "THAT IS NOT TRUE! DADDY STILL HAS HIS PENIS AND IT IS JUST FINE, LET ME TELL YOU!"
it is ugly, but true. i blame my mother, who is forever asking me questions like: "who is that moody guy from 'bubblefish' movie?" this would confuse other people, but i am familiar with all things kathryn. i am able to respond: "you mean matt dillon from 'rumblefish'" i always know what she means. my husband being only with us for the past 14 years still has trouble keeping up. he asked me one day, "am i ever going to understand what you are talking about?" i told him, "hey, you LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY OTHER DAY."
at a wake of a family member, i informed a LARGE group of people that i believed the dearly departed had waited until the first grandchild was born before passing on. i said, "it was as if the baby gave her a new LEASH ON LIFE."
while out walking late one night, i discovered that i hadn't been kicking a piece of cardboard down the street, but rather a dead squirrel that had petrified in the heat of the day.
when responding to the question, "why would anyone have their nipples pierced?" i answered, "because it is an ANDROGENOUS ZONE."
when commenting on how my son had taken advantage of a situation, i once said "he is PLAYING YOU LIKE A BOOK."
while pregnant and waiting for a train, i threw up on a stranger's shoes. when i bent down to wipe them off with a wet wipe i proceeded to throw up on the stranger's briefcase.
while having a loud disagreement with my daughter in a store, she yelled at me: "you are hurting my penis!" i responded with, "YOU DON'T HAVE A PENIS!" to which she said, "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU BROKE IT. YOU ALWAYS BREAK PEOPLE'S PENISES!" the only logical response from me was: "THAT IS NOT TRUE! DADDY STILL HAS HIS PENIS AND IT IS JUST FINE, LET ME TELL YOU!"
it is ugly, but true. i blame my mother, who is forever asking me questions like: "who is that moody guy from 'bubblefish' movie?" this would confuse other people, but i am familiar with all things kathryn. i am able to respond: "you mean matt dillon from 'rumblefish'" i always know what she means. my husband being only with us for the past 14 years still has trouble keeping up. he asked me one day, "am i ever going to understand what you are talking about?" i told him, "hey, you LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY OTHER DAY."
8.30.2004
ahh, men!
i married a man. a real man. a man who was once a "guy" and then got married and had kids. a "guy" who grew up and takes his responsibilities seriously. even when he doesn't want to.
dan is on the verge, (and i mean as in tomorrow afternoon), of losing his job. while he doesn't think this is a personal reflection upon him (because it isn't) he is worried. he takes this "i am the only person with an income" business very seriously. i have been fortunate enough to stay at home for the past 6 years. i complain on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis about this mommy job of mine. i have been jealous of dan because he gets to talk with adults during the day and even goes out to lunch with friends. i resent him coming home late, i resent him complaining about his job, i resent him complaining about his boss. the truth is my man takes care of his family. he dutifully goes to a horrible job that sucks the life out of him so that i can stay home with the kids. he does this because he loves me. he loves his children. he wants us to have a good life. i owe so much to this man. i am amazed at this person. i knew him when he had a jar of "goober" in his college dorm. i knew him when he still had dreams that did not include a wife and kids. this man has taken jobs he hates for me and his children. how dare i complain? really, am i so petty that i engage in a contest of "whose job sucked more today?" i am not afraid to admit that i have done this. i am not proud of myself.
i am proud of my husband. he worries about money, mortgage payments, car payments, money, college saving funds, medical insurance payments, the well-being of his wife and children, and money. i don't know how many stay at home moms actually think about what their husbands experience being the only "bread-winner" of the house. my husband will rarely burden me with his worries because he thinks i have enough on my plate already. the sad thing is, i do. i sometimes forget all that he is dealing with on a daily basis. at night i am plagued with worries about the kids. i never really worry about him because he seems so strong. ------oh my god, am i turning into a hallmark spotlight movie of the week featuring meredith baxter as the dutiful wife and joannah kerns as her loyal friend? i see lots of meaningful conversations over coffee in a kitchen so clean it looks like no meals have actually been cooked there. sorry......
sorry, i guess i need to go watch tv. damn the republican convention, i know i should be watching so that i get a balanced view, but....come on. i watched the democratic convention, but something about kerry's voice lulled me into a deep sleep. i have a sneaking suspicion that the right wingers will have the same effect. is 9:30 too early to go to bed?
dan is on the verge, (and i mean as in tomorrow afternoon), of losing his job. while he doesn't think this is a personal reflection upon him (because it isn't) he is worried. he takes this "i am the only person with an income" business very seriously. i have been fortunate enough to stay at home for the past 6 years. i complain on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis about this mommy job of mine. i have been jealous of dan because he gets to talk with adults during the day and even goes out to lunch with friends. i resent him coming home late, i resent him complaining about his job, i resent him complaining about his boss. the truth is my man takes care of his family. he dutifully goes to a horrible job that sucks the life out of him so that i can stay home with the kids. he does this because he loves me. he loves his children. he wants us to have a good life. i owe so much to this man. i am amazed at this person. i knew him when he had a jar of "goober" in his college dorm. i knew him when he still had dreams that did not include a wife and kids. this man has taken jobs he hates for me and his children. how dare i complain? really, am i so petty that i engage in a contest of "whose job sucked more today?" i am not afraid to admit that i have done this. i am not proud of myself.
i am proud of my husband. he worries about money, mortgage payments, car payments, money, college saving funds, medical insurance payments, the well-being of his wife and children, and money. i don't know how many stay at home moms actually think about what their husbands experience being the only "bread-winner" of the house. my husband will rarely burden me with his worries because he thinks i have enough on my plate already. the sad thing is, i do. i sometimes forget all that he is dealing with on a daily basis. at night i am plagued with worries about the kids. i never really worry about him because he seems so strong. ------oh my god, am i turning into a hallmark spotlight movie of the week featuring meredith baxter as the dutiful wife and joannah kerns as her loyal friend? i see lots of meaningful conversations over coffee in a kitchen so clean it looks like no meals have actually been cooked there. sorry......
sorry, i guess i need to go watch tv. damn the republican convention, i know i should be watching so that i get a balanced view, but....come on. i watched the democratic convention, but something about kerry's voice lulled me into a deep sleep. i have a sneaking suspicion that the right wingers will have the same effect. is 9:30 too early to go to bed?
why can't rubber grow in a civilized climate?
sick day? no such thing for mom. i feel as if i have been swallowing swords that were dipped in acid. our kitchen is being ripped apart and will be unuseable for the next week. nik starts school tomorrow (THANK YOU JESUS). dan has job interview this week. i still need to get books for myself for school (even though i am not going to go through with it). i need to drop off emma's health form to prove that she will not contaminate kids in preschool.....
I AM SICK.
our cable went out last night. this meant we were spared the closing ceremonies of the olympics. THANK YOU JESUS. that is my biggest problem with the olympics. i could do without the opening and closing. it encompasses everything that i depise. it makes me wish i could pass for a canadian or a german. don't get me wrong. i do like being an american. i find it one of the healthest challenges on the face of the earth. just when you think you can come out of the cave you've been hiding in, our country goes and pulls another bonehead trick out of it's bag and it is back to the cave of shame. i couldn't live in any other country because i am too american. i am set in my ways and love the freedom of complaining about my homeland.
am i patriotic? i don't think i can even spell this word properly. i don't care if you burn the american flag, but i cry everytime i hear the national anthem. voting in our country is our duty, not a exercise to be taken lightly. besides, you can't complain if you don't vote. even if your vote doesn't seem to matter or count. i don't care for the current president or administration, but i pray every day for the women and men who are fighting overseas. i don't like the idea that if you are critical of the president/administration that you hate america. i hate that people try to entangle god and politics. i deal with spiritual conflicts on a personal level, i don't want them played out on a political level.
UG!
i don't like where this is going....please excuse the rambling.....i have a fever......did i mention charlie manson is upstairs ripping apart my kitchen while i hide in the basement?.......please someone get me a popsicle.....
I AM SICK.
our cable went out last night. this meant we were spared the closing ceremonies of the olympics. THANK YOU JESUS. that is my biggest problem with the olympics. i could do without the opening and closing. it encompasses everything that i depise. it makes me wish i could pass for a canadian or a german. don't get me wrong. i do like being an american. i find it one of the healthest challenges on the face of the earth. just when you think you can come out of the cave you've been hiding in, our country goes and pulls another bonehead trick out of it's bag and it is back to the cave of shame. i couldn't live in any other country because i am too american. i am set in my ways and love the freedom of complaining about my homeland.
am i patriotic? i don't think i can even spell this word properly. i don't care if you burn the american flag, but i cry everytime i hear the national anthem. voting in our country is our duty, not a exercise to be taken lightly. besides, you can't complain if you don't vote. even if your vote doesn't seem to matter or count. i don't care for the current president or administration, but i pray every day for the women and men who are fighting overseas. i don't like the idea that if you are critical of the president/administration that you hate america. i hate that people try to entangle god and politics. i deal with spiritual conflicts on a personal level, i don't want them played out on a political level.
UG!
i don't like where this is going....please excuse the rambling.....i have a fever......did i mention charlie manson is upstairs ripping apart my kitchen while i hide in the basement?.......please someone get me a popsicle.....
8.28.2004
the three faces of eve
emma has many moods, usually all of which we experience on a daily basis. her moods are intense and at times, exhausting. i swear her good looks are the only saving grace.
this is the emma everyone loves
be afraid, be very afraid of meatface!!
run as fast as you can.....
this is the emma everyone loves
be afraid, be very afraid of meatface!!
run as fast as you can.....
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