the joy of a little M&R during the day

My sanity has been restored. Glory Be! Max and Ruby have returned to the lineup on Nick Jr. There has been a serious drought in my life. I can’t explain how wonderful Max and Ruby are, except to say that I experience a serious calm when watching. I actually went on line last year to join the complaints from parents who were at a loss as to why these two adorable bunnies had disappeared. I found myself outraged at these “parents” who didn’t think M & R was appropriate TV for small children. The time and energy “parents” spend complaining about what their children watch on TV, listen to in music, wear to school. HELLO! Be a parent! Turn off the TV, monitor what your kids listen to, and since you are the one buying the clothes, say no to the hoochie-mamma outfits. I don’t expect anyone else to raise my kids but their parents. The job is tough, suck it up and do it right.

Now, let me step off the soapbox and sing the praises again of M & R! The way Ruby never loses her temper with Max. Max’s boundless energy and curiosity remind me so much of my little Nik. I wish I had Ruby’s infinite patience! She is always so kind and gentle with her little brother. I wish I could be a part of that family. So, what a perfect day for me, Emma snuggled up next to me in bed, our bellies full of homemade chicken soup (alas, not with the chicken feet), and a little M & R on TV. Perfection!

My husband has the perfect Republican mentality to fix problems. All solutions for him involve spending money, making some kind of purchase. The economy is bad, hell, just spend some money, go out and buy some shit. He sits next to me chattering away on the phone, giggling about the new iPods, this new thing or that new thing. The whole thing just makes me very tired. My solution to problems is to take a nap. Either that or a hot shower just about cures everything. When I was a new mom I used to spend days in my nightgown holding Nik and sitting on the couch. My mother called me one morning and before I could say hello I heard her voice saying, “get up off the couch, put the baby down and take a hot shower, and don’t put that same nightgown back on.” I think she saved my life. Of course I had to roll his bassinet into the bathroom and leave the shower door open so I could keep one eye on Nik at all times. God forbid the baby should die on my watch. It seemed in those early days that was my only job. It was the mantra I would hear in my head, “keep him alive, don’t let anything happen to him.” Eventually, I learned to exhale and fell in love with my little son. If only I knew how to relax back then. Maybe things wouldn’t have been so hard. Ah, the gift of time combined with life experience!

Hey, my butt may continue to grow, but I’m smarter, too. God help me I am going to really turn old this year. I am in such deep denial about my age it is pathetic. Whenever I start to stress about my “anything” Dan always finds a way to make me laugh. Recently I complained about my weight and asked, “doesn’t it bother you that I will never have the butt you fell in love with?” His response was: “the bigger you get the stronger my gravitational pull is to you.”

That is ten years of marriage talking! Years of professional training!

damn you, robert mccarthy!

while my daughter is pretending to nap, rather she is coloring and singing songs, i have spent sitting in my living room, folding laundry, i have been watching old movies on tv. yesterday i spent crying while i watched "ice castles." today i am debating about watching a shirley temple movie. if only all my decisions were this irrelevant.

why do i love the phrase "alone, yes, but not lonely" so damn much?

emma and i are at a pass in our relationship. things are beginning to turn ugly. this love/hate this must end.

the thing that really upsets me is that she is so much like me.

robert mccarthy is the reason girls were banned from playing baseball during lunch recess. i was pitching no-hitters for 3 days in a row. i was about to face robert mccarthy, whose bat had suddenly turned cold the minute i started pitching. he strikes out, of course, and then runs home to complain to his father, who happened to be a big muckety-muck with the principal, and the next thing i know, girls are no longer able to play baseball with the "older" kids.

i could have played in the big leagues!