There are some reasons to smile lately:
When noticing how much our hosta has grown outside, Emma said, “look mom, look how your penne pasta has grown!”
Nik writing me little love notes and leaving them around the house for me to find.
Nik receiving his first love letter in the mail this weekend.
The color my face turns when I am working out at the gym.
The addition of new fish in the fish tank.
The last week of preschool!
New scent in my laundry detergent.
The love of Cooper.
Other people being on the receiving end of complete bullshit, rather than me.
Freedom to move and think without being bothered.
Caller ID.
Day lilies, day lilies, day lilies, day lilies, day lilies!!!!
Emma patting me on the backside and saying, “Mamma’s little butt.”
Painting Emma’s toenails pink and red.
Nik’s newfound sense of privacy when using the bathroom.
Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel.
Venti Chai!
5.28.2005
5.11.2005
time ain't on my side
Nik has really bad ear trouble. Really bad. So bad that he can’t hear anything anyone says to him…unless the person is me, and I am yelling. Dan keeps thinking I am angry and yelling at Nik in my “mean mommy voice.” This is not the case. Just to prove my point I told Dan to ask Nik a question about school. Dan smirks and asks, “Was today a library day, Nik?” No reply. None. Not even a “what, I didn’t hear you.” Again, “was today a library day, Nik?” Nothing. Dan looks over at me with a worried look on his face. Like this I say, “NIK, LIBRARY TODAY??!!??” Nik responds with, “NO, THURSDAY!” Not only do I yell to Nik, but he yells back. But these are shorthand conversations. We are able to leave out articles. Such pesky little parts of speech!
This means yet another trip to the doctors office. I am fed up with our doctor’s office. I tend to arrive 10 minutes early for my appointments. This extra 10 minutes will be added to the hour and a half that I will wait to actually go into the smaller waiting room, where I will spend at least 25 minutes waiting to see the actual doctor. The doctor will appear for 10 minutes and then I will wail another 15 minutes for the nurse to appear with another useless prescription. Wait wait wait wait wait wait! I am starting to feel like those refugees in Casablanca that are stuck waiting for an exit visa to get them to Lisbon. I really need to find a new doctor for the kids. Until then, we wait and wait and wait.
Everyone seems to be having a health crisis in our family. Dan’s sinuses are causing him to snore so bad I spend half the night kicking him in the shin to shut up. The kicking is a last resort. I start out nice enough, “Hon, um, could you please roll over on your side, thanks sweetie. Love you.” That lasts about 10 times. Then I become a little quicker to the point, “DAN, MOVE.” There is nothing like being woken up by a sudden snore and death breath in the middle of an otherwise peaceful night.
Emma is complaining that her “tummy hurts.” The only cure: suckers. Lots of tears and drama over the suckers. “Please please please…one more, I swear I only want one more, PLEASE!” Never before has please sounded so scary.
I myself have started working out with my PERSONAL TRAINER at the gym of death. Yes, I said personal trainer. Everyone else has been giving me such crap, why bother keeping it secret. There must be a word to describe what my body is feeling right now, but I am too fucking tired to think of it. Hopefully I will be so tired from the exercise that I will be unable to spend night after night fussing about life. And yet, not too tired to yell and kick at my little sinus boy. What a fragile eco-system this boy has!
This means yet another trip to the doctors office. I am fed up with our doctor’s office. I tend to arrive 10 minutes early for my appointments. This extra 10 minutes will be added to the hour and a half that I will wait to actually go into the smaller waiting room, where I will spend at least 25 minutes waiting to see the actual doctor. The doctor will appear for 10 minutes and then I will wail another 15 minutes for the nurse to appear with another useless prescription. Wait wait wait wait wait wait! I am starting to feel like those refugees in Casablanca that are stuck waiting for an exit visa to get them to Lisbon. I really need to find a new doctor for the kids. Until then, we wait and wait and wait.
Everyone seems to be having a health crisis in our family. Dan’s sinuses are causing him to snore so bad I spend half the night kicking him in the shin to shut up. The kicking is a last resort. I start out nice enough, “Hon, um, could you please roll over on your side, thanks sweetie. Love you.” That lasts about 10 times. Then I become a little quicker to the point, “DAN, MOVE.” There is nothing like being woken up by a sudden snore and death breath in the middle of an otherwise peaceful night.
Emma is complaining that her “tummy hurts.” The only cure: suckers. Lots of tears and drama over the suckers. “Please please please…one more, I swear I only want one more, PLEASE!” Never before has please sounded so scary.
I myself have started working out with my PERSONAL TRAINER at the gym of death. Yes, I said personal trainer. Everyone else has been giving me such crap, why bother keeping it secret. There must be a word to describe what my body is feeling right now, but I am too fucking tired to think of it. Hopefully I will be so tired from the exercise that I will be unable to spend night after night fussing about life. And yet, not too tired to yell and kick at my little sinus boy. What a fragile eco-system this boy has!
5.04.2005
gesture
A selfish gesture
I am a narcissist
People are always telling me that I need to do something for myself. Take time for yourself. Take a class, join a gym, etc. But is this enough? Sure, I join a gym, but is it enough?
Think for a moment of the most selfish thing you are capable of doing. If given the chance, would you do it? Think beyond taking a vacation by yourself. Think beyond taking a class alone. Think beyond the unbinding constraints of your home life. What could you do that would be an activity that would be the most self-involved, narcissistic thing you could do? Something not only just for you, but only could be done by you. Even if it would be viewed as unappealing by others. Could you?
Think beyond taking a moment for yourself. A moment passes too quickly. Stretch out your mind. Think endless sublime. Not temporary.
Does it take great courage or great indifference to commit a selfish gesture? Purely selfish.
I am a narcissist
People are always telling me that I need to do something for myself. Take time for yourself. Take a class, join a gym, etc. But is this enough? Sure, I join a gym, but is it enough?
Think for a moment of the most selfish thing you are capable of doing. If given the chance, would you do it? Think beyond taking a vacation by yourself. Think beyond taking a class alone. Think beyond the unbinding constraints of your home life. What could you do that would be an activity that would be the most self-involved, narcissistic thing you could do? Something not only just for you, but only could be done by you. Even if it would be viewed as unappealing by others. Could you?
Think beyond taking a moment for yourself. A moment passes too quickly. Stretch out your mind. Think endless sublime. Not temporary.
Does it take great courage or great indifference to commit a selfish gesture? Purely selfish.
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