being let down is a way of life. the love of my life is honestly surprised when he is faced with disappointment. he convinces himself something is always going to be as good as expected. and then he is heartsick when things aren't as good as he had hoped. this can be anything from the election to trying a taco pizza. he is so stunned when things don't turn out the way he had hoped.
i on the other hand am quite accustomed to being let down and disappointed. it starts every morning when i wake up. i think, ok--new beginning. a fresh start. a new day. things will be different today. then i realize we are out of bread and milk and this will be the day that i go to the supermarket. things don't really change. upon returning home from the grocery store i run for the bathroom, bladder about to explode, only to realize we are also out of toilet paper. funny how i didn't know this before i went to the store. things remain the same.
i make plans, try to be hopeful, but always am confronted with the ugly side of humanity. it amazes me how with one word, one inference a person can reduce me to tears. have i not learned by lesson? beware those who claim to be your friends...these people often do the most damage.
why is it that i am not surprised that this daily grind is my life, but i am truly shocked when someone hurts my feelings. do i expect more from people? these are the things i think about when cleaning my toilets, doing the laundry, cooking dinner (that no one but my husband will eat). what is it about some people who always fail you? i try to be positive and give people the benefit of the doubt, i make excuses for people, rationalize their bad behavior...and for what? to be left feeling angry? fuck that.
someone once told me: "people are stupid and it is always something." this shoe sure does fit. i will continue to try and be positive, but come on, let's get real here. misery loves company. i just don't want to be that companion anymore.
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